Or 'Hot Stone Massage' as most people know it. Today I decided I would 'treat' myself to a massage. Everyone who has been to SE Asia will know that getting a massage here is generally very cheap and if you're lucky very good. My last massage in Thailand was amazing and I thought it was about time I tried one in Vietnam to compare.
As luck would have it on our first night in Nha Trang we were handed a flyer for a massage place on the same street as our hotel that offered amongst other things 'Hot Stone Massage' for just 250,000 dong, which is about £7.50. Not bad for an hour's worth of luxury I thought to myself,oh how I would come to laugh at my foolishness later on.
I think the best way to sum up the hour that ensued today would be to say it was perhaps the most comedy £7.50 I've spent since I've been here. On arrival at the Rose Spa we had to undress in a small locker room with people opening the doors randomly, then take a shower before going up some stairs in the smallest towels possibly ever made (maybe they were hand towels come to think of it) to a communal massage room where our 'talented' masseuses awaited.
I can only guess that they learnt their trade by watching an instructional DVD on how to give massage and someone accidentally hit the fast forward button, a few times. They were going on at least 8x speed. I spent most of the first half trying either not to laugh out loud or cry out in pain, but not in a good getting those knots out kind of a pain way just an actual you are really hurting me way. After that came the hot stones part. Normally it's a nice slow and firm pressure type thing, their style more scrubbing you with hot rocks, so ferociously that the stones were thrown across the room numerous times. I tried so hard not to laugh each time they scooped them up and then just hygienically continued the massage with them. And the music, oh my god! Instead of nice relaxing gentle plinky plonky calm sounds it was some kind of jazz which was hilarious, I was humming along at one point, no drifting away on a sea of calm here.
It did get worse though we had to turn over and then I knew I couldn't hide the fact I was laughing anymore, so now my cheeks have bite marks on them. I didn't want them to think I actually enjoying the torture after all. They finished with a head massage and I use the term massage loosely, at which point I actually had to ask for all 'massaging' to cease due to the bump on my head and the fact that I basically wanted the never ending pain to stop. I dodged the rockery on the way out and went to get dressed, when they came to ask for a tip I politely declined. Thinking about it now I could give them many tips.....
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